Austria

[Newt is eating ice cream because that's just what he does 24/7 now. He frowns around his spoon.]

When? We kept her company one night because she was bummed about what happened to you, then she stayed the night Thursday so we'd all have an alibi.

[...And because Jack's involved:] Nothing, like, happened, if that's what you're asking.

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...I mean at least not then...

[Jack can afford to joke, because he's already told Austria that he didn't actually sleep with Prussia.]

Nah, it's like I said. Newt and me were both gentlemen, Prussia slept in between us with our beds pushed together so nobody had to take the floor. Not that those 'beds' were that much more comfortable...

I mean, yeah, sure, I made some...invitations, but nothing ever happened.

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[Austria purses her lips in thought. Is she being incredibly petty right now?]

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[Eh. Austria sips on her watermelon concoction.]

Ja well.

I apologize for thinking so ill of you two. I just. Have a hard time imagining Prussia being that broken up over something like that.

[Sure Newt had already told her Prussia was upset about her in great detail but. There's still such a disconnect from how Prussia treated her to how Prussia talks about her to others.]

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[Newt shoots Jack a Look. Dude.]

Nothing happened ever. It's obvious you two have something going on. [He says this to Austria, of course.]

It's cool. I still don't get why you're so surprised, but it's true. [...] What did you, uh, think we were up to?

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What? I didn't realize how much of a thing when I made a move on her! And it wasn't like it was anything serious, geeze. I mean, when it comes to something serious, yeah, I'm going for the dude I have great sex with who also comes from my time and dimension.

[Sure, he's open to casual stuff in the meantime, but that's just because there hasn't really been exclusiveness discussed. They can deal with that when they get back home. And Jack refuses to believe they won't all wake up at home.]

[Or at least he and Tim will. Like Hyperion docs can't figure out how to undo whatever the hell makes them go comatose.]

But yeah, she was messed up after you bit it. And obviously Austria thinks we were having sex with Prussia. Though I've gotta ask sweetheart...did you think it was like a timeshare deal, or a threesome thing?

[He's just curious! It's not like it happened. But if Austria'd been thinking about it, he'd like to know the details of his fictitious sex life.]

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[Austria's mouth does that gaping goldfish gasping for air thing at the questions]

I-I didn't think about it at all!! I've only ever been wi--- I mean. Familiar with! Monogamy!

[She's read through Hungary's personal doujinishi though. Those threesome illustrations can get raunchy...]

Edited (You guys let me have an html bork up for hours! !!) Date: 2017-09-07 05:47 am (UTC)

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[Newt just shakes his head. Whatever, dude.]

Yeah, this is why I didn't leave him alone with Prussia. He needs adult supervision, like, at all times.

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Whoa...whoa...hey, Prussia is a big girl. And we were alone plenty, Newt. We did hang out without you.

[And he'd had a friggin in! He'd just died before they got a chance to go on their little beach date thing.]

And don't get me wrong, I'm into monogamy as far as relationships go. But you can be monogamous and still have threesomes! Long as everybody knows it's just for fun and everything. Threesomes are really great.

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[This entire conversation is making Austria sip her watermelon slush entirely too quickly.]

I don't-- where does everyone even... fit. In something like that.

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[Newt drops his head into his hands. He's tired of beating this dead horse and has learned that arguing is just going to make it worse, so he's just gonna stay quiet for now.]

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What you...oh! Oh wow!

[That...was a bad question to ask. Jack settles in more comfortably. This is gonna take a bit...]

Okay, so there's a lot of ways, depending on what kind of threesome it is. Arguably two guys and one chick is easiest, in terms of positions where everybody's involved at the same time. Some dudes say they want a threesome, but they just wanna see two chicks going at it.

But like that, there's a bunch of ways. You got The High Five, that's girl on her hands and knees, one guy having sex with her and the other guy getting a BJ. Or if both dudes are into it, you can have one dude in the middle getting done from behind by the other guy and going down on the chick. And it doesn't have to be on hands and knees, anything that gives access to mouth and junk. There's the Chain, that's everybody going down on each other in like a closed circle. There's The Two Swords, which is both dudes getting a blowjob at the same time. Oh, there's The Double Stuff, that's both dudes doing the chick at the same time. Either in the same place, like the Two Swords just downstairs, or...front door and back door.

And then there's the two chicks, one dude threesomes....

[If someone doesn't stop him, Jack will just continue describing and naming threesome sex positions.]

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[Austria's mouth drops.

Mostly because she recognizes some of those descriptions from Hungary's comics.]

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CEASE SPEAKING!!

IMMEDIATELY!!

STOP!! STOP STOP STOP!! STOP! BITTE!!

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[Newt lets out a low groan as Jack starts his explanation. Of course he would choose the current gender make-up as his first round of examples.]

Why are we talking about this again? You're making Austria uncomfortable.

[Not that that needs stating.]

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It came up and Austria asked! Geeze, chill out, I'm done! No reason to get uncomfortable... there's nothing to be embarrassed about when it comes to sex stuff. As long as nobody's sharing like private, personal stories. That's shitty. But nobody is!

Bodies are great, and they go great stuff together!

[And okay...Austria's reaction had been pretty funny, he's got to admit.]

Sorry, though, for....too much detail? Was the the problem?

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[Austria's bright red and her head is probably spinning from having to hear all that-- that's it.]

N-nein. I just. I'm sure that's all.... [She gestures sloppily at Newt, the watermelon mixture almost spilling out into her lap.] --very stimulating!

I just. [This is the part where she pretends she's a respectable lady and would never consider something so vulgar sounding.]

Edited Date: 2017-09-09 03:50 pm (UTC)

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I couldn't keep up with that. [She doesn't have the stamina.]

One person... that's enough.

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[Newt rolls his eyes. This is his signature move.] It came up because you brought it up. Again. Nothing debaucherous happened when Prussia stayed the night, end of story.

[An open and shut case!!]

But yeah, you're right. One is enough. Two is just, like, too much chaos. There's too much going on to actually enjoy it.

[He pats Austria's shoulder.] You doing alright with that, uh... That. [The Watermelon.]

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Honestly, it's really not. I mean you'd think it would be, right? But nah, it's not any more chaotic or anything than just two person stuff. Once you get over three, yeah, that takes a lot out of ya! I dunno, it can be fun sometimes. One of those 'worth trying once if you get a chance' sorta deals.

[Jack's not going to share any actual details of his sex life, but he doesn't think it's too much to vaguely mention he's had threesomes and that they aren't as strenuous as you'd think.]

Like riding a Pandoracorn or bungee jumping. Worst thing that happens, you had an experience that wasn't for you. And what the hell is life but experiences, huh?

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Oh ja! Would you like to try? [She offers up the watermelon, but she's holding it more than a little too far to the right of Newt for him to sip from.]

It's quite good. [Jack's made her a few.]

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